Scott & Penelope VII: Okay, I'm Lost
by n5d25d90
Summary: Irwin babysits Scott and Penelope when Billy and Mandy go out to a fancy French resturant.
1. Chapter 1

It's been a while, hasn't it?

Billy, Mandy, and related character © Maxwell Atoms

I own Scott and Penelope

-1-

It was a dark and stormy night. …Yes, I know that's a cheesy way to start, but it was, so shut up. (blows raspberry)

…

Anyways, this was the night that Mandy planned for her and Billy to go to the new French restaurant downtown. Billy was excited because he wanted to go out to eat with Mandy for years, but neither had the opportunity to go, since Grim would most likely leave the two kids alone to reap a few souls and then all heck would break loose at the hands of the young blonde boy and always-cheerful red-headed girl.

You see, Irwin had finally forgiven Billy for "stealing" the love of his life and figured that babysitting their kids would put him on Mandy's good side.

Well, it was worth a shot…

Unfortunately, the storm was getting bad, and Mandy shrugged it off. "We can always go tomorrow," she said as if it was only a trip to McDonalds.

Billy, however, was stubborn as ever. "Now, now, honey… you've been planning this thing for weeks. We're going."

"Billy, who pays the bills?"

"…You?"

"Who pays for the groceries?"

"You?"

"And who's paying for the meal?"

"You?"

"So, who has the final say?"

"Me?"

"Try again…"

"…You?"

"Very good, Bill!" Mandy said with mock amazement. "And I say we'll go tomorrow."

"But, I already called--" There was a knock at the door. "…--Irwin!"

Grim walked to the door to answer it. "And I doubt he will wanna go home in dis rain." He let Irwin in.

"'Sup, yo?" Irwin greeted. He walked up to Mandy. "So… how are you this fine evening, Mandy?"

The blonde woman had an epiphany. "So…if Irwin's already here…and he's not going to leave…" She took Billy's hand. "Let's go, Bill."

Billy raised his free arm in victory as they walked out the door.

Grim pulled a list out of his robe. "Okay, I gotta go, children. Have fun wit' Uncle Irwin!" He then took what he thought was his scythe and walked out the door without even looking at what he grabbed.

Irwin took off his jacket. "Where should I put this, yo?"

"There's a coat rack by the door where you came in," Scott said in a bored tone.

Penelope gleamed. "I'll hang it up for you!" She ran off with his jacket.

Irwin sat on the couch next to Scott. "So…what's it like living with that angel?"

Scott raised an eyebrow. "I…would've never thought of Penelope as some sort of an _angel_, per say… Maybe a jelly doughnut… That's what her nose reminds me of…"

"No, no, no!" Irwin groaned. "Mandy! What's it like living with Mandy?"

"Oh…it's alright. Despite her violent attitude, she hasn't done any serious acts of child abuse whatsoever."

"Huh…I guess I owe Billy five bucks then…"

Suddenly, Penelope shouted from the door. "Hey, Scott?"

Scott groaned. "What is it, Big Nose?"

"Where's the coat rack?"

"Um…by the door. Where it always has been," Scott explained.

"It's not there."

"What do you mean it's not there?"

"The coat rack is not there!"

Scott rolled his eyes and got up from the couch. "I can't believe this…" He walked over to her. "Penelope, how many times do I have to tell you that the coat rack is right over… okay, where's the coat rack?"

"I don't know! That's why I asked!"

"The coat rack was right here! Right next to…Grim's…scythe…" He noticed the scythe propped up on the wall. "Grim took the coat rack, didn't he?"

"How long do you think it'll take for him to notice?"

"About ten to fifteen minutes from now," Scott replied. Then, out of nowhere, an evil thought appeared in Scott's brain. His lips curled up into an evil smile. "We have the scythe."

Penelope gave him a confused look. "Huh?"

"We have the scythe. Don't you see? We have the power of the Grim Reaper!"

"…Okay, you're scaring me…"

"Don't you wanna visit the Underworld without Grim telling you what to do all the time?"

All voices of reason shut off in Penelope's head and she nodded excitedly.

"Then let's go…" Scott said as he opened a portal.

Irwin suddenly noticed how long the two were gone. "Hey, what are you guys do—NO!" he shouted when he realized the two went through a portal. It closed before Irwin could reach it.

Irwin panicked. "Oh man…Mandy's gonna kill me, yo…"

-X-

About ten to fifteen minutes later, while trying to unsuccessfully reap an old man's soul, Grim noticed something…odd…

"Hey…when did me scythe turn into a coat rack?"


	2. Chapter 2

Maxwell Atoms owns Billy, Mandy, and related characters, not me. Stone Cold Steve Austin isn't owned by me either.

-1-

"Oh no…"

"What is it, Mandy?"

"Don't tell me we forgot to bring an umbrella…"

Billy parked the car at an odd angle, which ended up taking two parking spots. "Then let's run for it!" He giggled as he got out of the car.

Mandy groaned as she left the car. "Can this night get any worse?"

-X-

Scott and Penelope stepped out of the portal into the Underworld.

"Ooh…look at all the red…" Penelope said, tilting back and forth on her feet until she finally fell over.

Scott slapped himself in the forehead before he continued to look around. "Now, let's do what we're here to do."

"And what's that?" Penelope asked from the ground.

"Just three things: Arrive. Raise heck. Leave."

Suddenly, another portal appeared and a bald man came out. "Glass Shatters" by Disturbed started playing in the background. "Did you steal my line, punk?"

Scott sighed. "No, I said 'heck'."

"Oh. Dang. I really wanted to stun somebody."

Suddenly, Fred Fredburger walked up to the three. "WOW! You're Stone Cold Steve Austin! I can spell 'Stone Cold Steve Austin' real good, see?" He took a deep breath before continuing. "S-T-O-N-E C-O-L…"

Stone Cold looked at the kids and raised an eyebrow. "Maybe I'll stun him instead."

"…V-E A-U-S-T-I…N! Fred Fredburger! Yes."

The next thing Fred knew, Stone Cold kicked him in the stomach, took him by his head and stunned him. Then he took a can of spray paint and sprayed "3:16" on Fred's stomach. "And that's the bottom line 'cause Stone Cold said so!"

Penelope was confused. "What?" She turned to Scott, who was glaring at her. "What?" she asked defensively.

"What…are you doing?" Scott asked.

"What?"

Stone Cold turned to the two kids. "I believe he said 'What are you doing?'."

"What?"

"You're doing that on purpose."

"What?"

"Shut up."

"What?"

"Only my fans can do that."

"What…are you talking about? I'm a fan."

"…What? …Nevermind. I gotta go. J.R.'s having an Oklahoma-style beer bash." Then he left through the portal he came from while saying, "It's amazing what things they let me build on Celebrity Deathmatch. First a time machine, and now this portal whatchamacallit…" The portal then disappeared.

Penelope walked over to Fred. "Poor Fred…we knew thee well…"

"…No, we didn't," Scott replied. "And he's not dead, you know."

"Oh yeah."

"Now, let's…do whatever…uh…what were we doing again?"

"I dunno."

"…Ah well. We better go back…hey! Where's the scythe?"

Suddenly, they heard a voice.

"Fred Fredburger! Yes."

Scott's eyes widened as he saw Fred run off with the scythe. "That punk was playing possum!"

-X-

"Bonjour, monsieur and madame. I'll be your waiter. And how are you zis fine evening?"

Billy had a giddy smile. "Really well, thank you. Hey, I wanted to ask you something…what's this... 'es-care-goat'?"

"Zat's escargot, sir. It es un delicacy in France. Uh-hu-huh!"

"Yeah, but what is it?"

"Snails."

Billy's eyes lightened up. He looked as if he had just entered Heaven. "I'll take it!"

Mandy felt queasy. "I'll just have a loaf of French bread, thank you…" She turned to Billy as the waiter walked away. "Snails? You're going to eat SNAILS?"

"Mm-hmm!"

"I don't believe this…" she said with disgust. "I think I'm going to be sick…" She took a deep breath. "Do you have ANY idea how much that costs?"

-X-

Irwin yelped when he heard a knock at the door. "Oh crap! I hope it's Grim…" He opened the door. "Oh, thank God!"

"Irwin, have you seen me scythe?" Grim asked.

"They took it! I couldn't stop 'em, yo!"

"Who?"

Irwin gulped. "Scott and Penelope…"

"Oh. …Oh crap…"


	3. Chapter 3

The epic continues…

-3-

Scott slowed down to a stop. "He's…too…fast…" he panted.

Penelope panted as well. "So…how…do…we…get…home…?"

"I…don't…know…"

-X-

"We have to call Mandy, mon," Grim said as he picked up a phone.

Irwin snatched it out of Grim's phalanges. "NO! If she finds out, she'll hate me forever!"

"So…what else is new?"

Irwin glared at Grim angrily. "You have to find some way to reach them!"

"I can't without me scythe! Now, quit being a noob and give me de dang phone so I can call Mandy!"

"But she'll kill me!"

"She can't if I don't reap you."

"Then she'll beat me to a bloody pulp!"

Grim chuckled. "Den dat settles it. We'll call Mandy. I'd love some good entertainment."

Irwin gulped. "N-No! I'm not giving you the ph-phone!"

The skeleton thought for a moment before getting an idea. He pulled out his wallet and took out a picture of Mandy and her family at the beach (taken, of course, by Grim). In the picture, Mandy was wearing a skimpy two-piece pink bikini.

"Trade ya."

Irwin, without thinking clearly, traded the phone for the photo.

Grim chuckled to himself. "He'll be too busy droolin' and daydreamin' to stop me from callin' Mandy! I'm such a genius…"

-X-

"I'm such a genius!" Billy shouted as he took a snail and dunked it in his root beer. "I calls it Escaroot Beer!"

Mandy groaned. "Does it taste anything like your fettuccini-covered churros?"

"Fettuchurros?" Billy asked as he put the snail in his mouth. "Um…I'm not sure. It's been a while since I've had them."

Mandy rolled her eyes. "Face it, Bill. You're not a genius. You just think that because you had one-too-many snails."

"You can never have too many snails, Mandy. Only a genius would knows that!"

Mandy was about to kick Billy in the shin when her cell phone played "Ten Rounds with Jose Cuervo" by Tracy Byrd. She took it out. "Hello? …Ugh! Grim, of all nights to interrupt a so-so night out, did it have to be tonight? …What? …**WHAT?! **…Okay, you tell that sorry excuse for a baby-sitter that I'm going to wring his little puny neck, put his bow-tie in his mouth so he can't scream, and throw him through a concrete wall!" She hung up her phone and pulled out a checkbook. "Billy, we're going home."

"Why?"

"Because Irwin's going to die tonight, that's why," Mandy said, filling out a check.

"No, I mean…why is your ring-tone for our house 'Ten Rounds with Jose Cuervo'?"

Mandy stopped writing and stared at Billy. When Billy got the hint and looked away, Mandy continued to fill out the check.

-X-

Grim hung up the phone. "Hey…dat was easier den I t'ought." He turned to Irwin. "Hey, uh…Mandy pretty much says she gonna kill you."

Irwin looked up from the picture. "Say wha?"

"I called Mandy and she say she gonna kill ya, mon."

Irwin went pale. "AHH! Why'd ya do that, yo?"

"Hey! Suck it up, mon! If Mandy gets home before Scott and Penelope do, she'll destroy me, too! …OH CRAP! SHE'LL DESTROY ME TOO!"

"Well, she should! This is all your fault, Grim!"

"What do you mean it's my fault? Explain yerself, mon!"

"You forgot your scythe and because of that they stole it and disappeared!"

"Okay, okay! Calm down, mon," Grim said. "Maybe I can reach Scott's cell phone wit' dis phone. Worth a shot, right?" He dialed a number.

-X-

Scott and Penelope continued to walk down the path. Suddenly, the melody of Cledus T. Judd's "Is Funny" entered their ears. Scott blushed as he answered his cell phone. "Hello? …Grim? Oh crap. Uh…we're in the Underworld…and some green guy stole the scythe. Huh? Yeah, he was spelling stuff… Ah. I see… So, let me get this straight: you want us to eat nachos? Oh. OH! You think HE will be eating nachos… Okay. Uh…yeah, now that you mention it, I do see a nacho stand about 300 yards ahead of us. Well, I'll see you later. Yep. Bye." He hung up. "I guess we're going to that nacho stand, Penelope."

"Why?"

"Because that may be where our little green foe is right now."

"No…I mean why do you have the fart song on your phone?"

"The…what song?"

" 'Is Funny'. That's the fart song, ain't it?"

Scott blushed again. "N-No! That came with the phone!"


	4. Chapter 4

Once again, thanks to all who like my crap. I only own Scott and Penel…we've been over this before, haven't we?

-4-

Mandy practically shoved Billy into the car. "Buckle up and shut up." She ran to the other side of the car. "Dang, this storm sucks!" she yelled, realizing that she'd have to drive home in a heavy thunderstorm. She started the car and drove off within seconds.

-X-

Scott entered the nacho stand cowboy style. "Fred Fredburger…I'm-a callin' you out…"

Fred looked up from his plate of nachos. "Huh? Oh! Hello!"

Scott walked up to Fred. "Gimme the scythe…" Expecting a tussle, he went into a karate-like stance. "…or there'll be a mess o' trouble."

"Oh. Here you go."

Scott was surprised, but took it anyway. "Uh…thanks…"

"Sure! No problem! Yes."

After a few seconds of disbelief, Scott walked outside, where Penelope was (she was tied to a hitching post). "That was easy."

"Yeah. Seriously."

"Well, here goes nothing." After untying Penelope, he opened a portal and the two went through it.

When they left the portal, they knew something was wrong.

"Where are we?" Penelope asked.

"I…don't know…" He looked around and saw…Spiderman?!

Batman?!

Darth Vader?!

A hot chick dressed like Rikku?!

"Oh my God, we're at Comic-con," Scott groaned.

Penelope took the scythe. "Gimme that! You must be doing something wrong!" She made a portal and they went through it.

…

"Sassy Cat Land?!" Scott asked. "What in the name of fuzzy cupcakes of crud are we doing in this God forsaken theme park?!"

"Hey, at least I got us to Endsville, No-Nose!" Penelope yelled.

Scott was dumbstruck. "Huh…You're right…"

-X-

Five minutes later, Mandy was finally driving into the driveway. Practically kicking down the door as she entered, she stomped toward the two soon-to-be victims of her wrath.

"Hey! You're tracking mud, mon!" Grim complained.

"Shut up, Bonehead! You two are going to pay dearly!"

"W-Wait!" Grim yelled. "Maybe I can call Scott again and see how dey're doin'. Dey were fine when I last called."

Mandy growled. "Fine, but make it quick." She turned to Irwin, who was up against the wall. "If anything happens to my babies, you are going to have an appointment with Grim."

Irwin gulped in fear.

Suddenly, Billy entered. "Der…where's the kids?"

Mandy slapped herself in the forehead.

Grim groaned. "Billy! You're tracking mud, too!"

"JUST CALL SCOTT!" Mandy shouted.

"Okay! Okay!" He dialed Scott's number. After a few seconds, he heard the blond boy's voice. "Scott! T'ank goodness! Where are ya? …Sassy Cat Land? What on earth are ya doin' in dat God forsaken place? …Uh…okay. We'll come get ya! Don't try to come home in dis storm!" He hung up. "C'mon, Mandy. Let's go to Sassy Cat Land!"

"…Why?"

"'Cause dat's where dey are."

"No, I mean…why do I have to go back out in that dang storm?"

"…Just come on…"

-X-

In about a half an hour, Scott and Penelope were home safe and sound, and now Mandy needs to someday buy a new window because she threw Irwin through one.

Well, it's been three weeks since then, and nothing's happened since…instead…

"Hey, Mandy?" Billy asked as he sat at his computer.

Mandy walked into the den. "What?"

"I was looking up info on the new Mandy Moore movie…"

"She's still getting work?"

"That's not the point! The point is…I found this picture…and…uh…" He put up the picture.

It was a picture of him, Mandy, Scott, and Penelope at the beach.

The website name: www . milf . com / irwinator **(A/N: Hopefully not a real site… Also I put spaces in there 'cause it didn't come up when it was all together)**

Mandy's eyes widened. "What…the…heck…?"

"Yeah, but what does it mean…?"

"It means that Irwin will indeed die very soon…"

"No, I mean…what does 'milf' mean?"

"…It's…best you don't know…"

-X-

UWEE-HEE-HEE! IT IS I, KEFKA PALAZZO, MAIN VILLAIN OF FINAL FANTASY VI (Or III if you're in America and you have it for Super Nintendo or something) AND IN HONOR OF THE UPCOMING SCOTT AND PENELOPE/MIND CONTROL WITH DERREN BROWN/FINAL FANTASY CROSSOVER, I AM INTRODUCING THIS EPILOGUE! …HOW LOW I'VE SUNK… HOW PATHETIC… WELL, I'M OFF TO THE PUB TO DRINK AWAY MY MISERY. CIAO!

Scott and Penelope come out dressed in flannel outfits.

"Hello, I'm Penelope, and this is my brother Scott."

"How's it goin', eh?"

"And we are here to tells you what we learned today."

"We learned never to steal Grim's scythe without Mom's consent 'cause we get grounded, eh."

"Ya. Hey, hand me some o' that back-bacon, eh."

"You got it, eh."

"Nice Bob and Doug MacKenzie parody, eh?"

Scott shrugged. "I dunno. What's Bob and Doug MacKenzie?"

"What did you think we were doing?"

"I thought we were pretending to be from Wisconsin, but now that I think of it, Wisconsinites don't usually say 'eh', do they?"

Penelope shrugged.

"Hey, I'm going to the bubbler. I'm thirsty as heck." Scott got up and walked to the drinking fountain. "Geez, what the heck's wrong with Wisconsinites, calling these things bubblers? They're weird, I'll tell ya."


End file.
